Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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