bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
