do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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