maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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