If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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