you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
