awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
