I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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