How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
