One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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