I wish I only lived at night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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