jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
