so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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