dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
