I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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