Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
