No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
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I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
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Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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