Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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