Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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