I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize