Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
