She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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