do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
