I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm just crazy horny about you
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
