I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
