I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
