My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
