He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
