Sry I called you an 8
Too much gin, very little bucket
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
