my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i now understand why vodka
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
