am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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