Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
