i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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