She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
