i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
