Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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