just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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