and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
