accomplished twins. life is a go
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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