She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
