Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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