all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
