I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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