I must be too annoying 4 u.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
