Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
