I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
