So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
