my vag is so smooth its legendary
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
