Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize