Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
