i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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