babies were throwing up all over the place
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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