my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
pray to the hookup gods
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
