I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
