alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
