Quick, to the slutcave!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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