Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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