Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize