I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.