Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
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I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
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Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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