just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
