Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
