what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
