if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
