Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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