Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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