i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
