My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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