Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
