no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
